Inspect What You Expect

Have you ever noticed that it is MUCH easier to give out an ‘instruction’ or a ‘threat’ or a ‘plan’ than it is to follow through with it? Have you ever noticed that talking about something is something anybody can do and is just plain simpler than actually doing it? In other words, did you know that the phrase “Talk is cheap” is true?

It’s true if you own a company. It’s true if you are married. It’s true if you have friends. It’s true if you pastor a church. It’s true if you lead a staff. It’s true if you are a dad. It’s much easier to talk about it than to just do it.

Last Saturday morning my parents were on their way for a quick visit to Arkansas. I would say they were coming to visit their favorite of their three children, but that wouldn’t be true. They were coming to visit their favorite 2 of their 9 grandchildren. Seth was up early and all decked out in his Auburn football uniform (complete with helmet and pads) before breakfast. He couldn’t wait to show it off to the 2nd biggest Auburn fan in the world (my dad).

Fifteen minutes or so before my folks were scheduled to arrive, Seth’s area of the house was still a disaster zone. Katie had asked him at least twice throughout the morning to clean up specific things. As I walked through the house, I noticed that he was NOT doing what he had been asked to do by his mom. So I proceeded to take him into his room, get down on eye level with him, and let him know what would happen if he didn’t clean up immediately: a spanking to the posterior part of his body AND he would have to remove his football uniform and save it for another time. I then walked outside to finish vacuuming the car (did you know that you can find several weeks worth of breakfast items in between seats?).

Five or ten minutes later this phrase popped into my head: “Inspect what you Expect.” Ever heard it? It means to always go and inspect what you expect to be done. You know what though? I didn’t want to. I just wanted to threaten Seth with discipline. I didn’t want to actually carry it out. Know what I mean? I didn’t want to go back inside. I didn’t want to have to get all ‘parental’ on Seth. I didn’t want to have to spank him. I didn’t want to tell him he had to take off his Auburn uniform. I just wanted to talk.

But I went. I back went in to inspect his progress. Guess what I found? A totally cleaned up den and a near spotless bedroom! Know what I got to do next? Praise him! Encourage him! Brag on him! It felt so good to see him clean up.

Here’s the thing: Had I not ‘Inspected what I Expected,’ I never would have had the opportunity to go in and specifically praise his ‘work’ and ‘obedience.’ It would have happened and I probably would have never noticed once my parents got to our house. On the flip side, had he not ‘obeyed’ and ‘worked’ and had I not ‘gone’ and ‘inspected,’ he would have gotten away with it and learned that I don’t follow through with what I say I am going to do.

Bottom Line: Talk is cheap. Anybody can threaten. If you want a specific result from someone under your care and leadership, however, go and inspect what you expect. Who knows? You might get to experience a blessing.

What have you requested or instructed to be done that you need to go and check on? Don’t wait until you feel like it. Then you will just be like everyone else.

What Makes the ‘Golden Rule’ Christian?

Is the Golden Rule a Christian ‘rule,’ or do/can other religions use it?

If so, what makes the Golden Rule ‘Christian’? Or, is there really anything ‘Christian’ about it?

Consider what Dale Carnegie, in his extremely popular How to Win Friends and Influence People, wrote:

“Philosophers have been speculating on the rules of human relationships for thousands of years, and out of all that speculation, there has evolved only one important precept. It is not new. It is as old as history. Zoroaster taught it to his followers in Persia twenty-five hundred years ago. Confucius preached it in China twenty-four centuries ago. Lao-tse, the founder of Taoism, taught it to his disciples in the Valley of the Han. Buddha preached it on the bank of the Holy Ganges five hundred years before Christ. The sacred books of Hinduism taught it a thousand years before that. Jesus taught it among the stony hills of Judea nineteen centuries ago. Jesus summed it up in one thought—probably the most important rule in the world: ‘Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.’ You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact. You want recognition of your true worth. You want a feeling that you are important in your little world. You don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. You want your friends and associates to be, as Charles Schwab put it, ‘hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise.’ All of us want that. So let’s obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us. How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time, everywhere.”

Honestly, I don’t like reading that. It makes me mad. It confuses me. If Zoroaster and Confucius and Lao-tse and Buddha and Muhammed also said what Jesus said in Matthew 7:12, why shouldn’t I also take heed to what these other guys said about other things? What makes Jesus’ statement about how we treat others better than the others? No doubt the ‘rule’ is a tremendous ‘rule’ to live by for any human. But what makes it Christian?

Consider the source.

Of the six men Carnegie mentions, only One actually gave His life to demonstrate what He meant. Only One actually valued others to the extent that He did for them what they simply could not do for themselves.

All six were men like us. Only One, however, was a man and God. It was that God-man who not only issued the Golden Rule, but did it so we could live and know what obedience to it looks like.

Consider the source. Talk is cheap. The Christian God, instead, demonstrates His love.

 

Did I Marry the Right Person?

Yesterday (Valentines Day) I had the rare privilege of visiting with my neighbors to my right and left. Both are elderly couples. To my right is a man caring for his wife with Alzheimer’s. To my left is a wife caring for her weak and unable to walk husband. Both couples have been married over 50 years and were very excited to tell me that they were enjoying their 50+ Valentines Day with their significant other. And they meant it. They were excited. The man caring for his wife with Alzheimer’s said – and I quote – “I have no complaints. I love caring for her.” Wow.

You know what struck me? Neither couple griped or complained about their circumstances or the person they were ‘stuck’ with. It never (at LEAST in the last 30 years!) crossed their mind whether or not they had married the ‘right’ person. They never questioned that. They knew they had and were enjoying the privilege of learning to live with the one they married. . . till death does them part.

I wonder how many of us ask (mistakenly) ourselves, “Did I marry the ‘right’ one?”

Gary Thomas, in his Sacred Marriage, speaks to the danger of asking this question:

“If we are serious about pursuing spiritual growth through marriage, we must convince ourselves to refrain from asking the spiritually dangerous question: ‘Did I marry the ‘right’ person?’ Once we have exchanged our vows, little can be gained spiritually from ruminating on this question.

“A far better alternative to questioning one’s choice is to learn how to live with one’s choice. A character in the Anne Tyler novel A Patchwork Planet comes to realize this too late. The book’s thirty-one year old narrator has gone through a divorce and now works at an occupation that has him relating almost exclusively with elderly people. As he observes their long-standing marriages, he comes to a profound understanding:

I was beginning to suspect that it made no difference whether they’d married the right person.       Finally, you’re just  who you’re with. You’ve signed on with her, put in half a century with her, grown to know her as well as you know yourself or even better, and she’s become the right person. Or the only person, might be more to the point. I wish someone had told me that earlier. I’d have hung on then; I swear I would. I never would have driven Natalie to leave me.

Half the battle is just keeping our ‘story’ alive.”

If we have said “I do,” asking if we married the ‘right’ person is a ridiculous and totally illogical question. The question we must ask – especially us Christians – is, “How can I enjoy and love this person to the fullest?” For the couples I visited yesterday, their Valentine was always and had become the right person.

I dare say that their spouse was now more of the ‘right’ person for them (ailments and all) than they had been 50 + years ago.

Who Knew There Was a Real Story Behind Valentines Day?

Who knew? I had absolutely NO CLUE there was actually a story behind the holiday. 

I found it here, via a link from All Pro Dad.

Here’s the story as told by Mark Merrill:

“This Valentine’s Day you will probably either send or receive a Valentine from someone. More than a billion are expected to be given away in the United States alone.  But just like many of our holidays, there’s a lot more behind it than just cards and gifts.  There’s a true life story. It’s a story that teaches us a lot about the true meaning of love, sacrifice and commitment.

“In the third century, the Roman Empire was ruled by Emperor Claudius II Gothicus. He was nicknamed Claudius the Cruel because of his harsh leadership and his tendency for getting into wars and abusing his people. In fact, he was getting into so many wars during the third century that he was having a difficult time recruiting enough soldiers.

“Claudius believed that recruitment for the army was down because Roman men did not want to leave their loves or families behind, so he canceled all marriages and engagements in Rome. Thousands of couples saw their hopes of matrimony dashed by the single act of a tyrant. And no one seemed interested in standing up to the emperor.

“But a simple Christian priest named Valentine did come forward and stood up for love. He began to secretly marry soldiers before they went off to war, despite the emperor’s orders. In 269 AD Emperor Claudius found out about the secret ceremonies. He had Valentine thrown into prison and deemed that he would be put to death.

“As Valentine was awaiting execution, he fell in love with a blind girl, who happened to be the jailer’s daughter. On the eve of his execution, with no writing instruments available, Valentine is said to have written her a sonnet in ink that he squeezed from violets. Legend has it that his words made the blind woman see again. It was a brief romance because the next day Valentine was clubbed to death by Roman executioners.

“St. Valentine gave his life so that young couples could be bonded together in holy matrimony. They may have killed the man, but not his spirit. Even centuries after his death, the story of Valentine’s self-sacrificing commitment to love was legendary in Rome. Eventually he was granted Sainthood and the Catholic Church decided to create a feast in his honor. They picked February 14 as the day of celebration because of the ancient belief that birds (particularly lovebirds, but also owls and doves) began to mate on that very day.

“It’s surprising to know that Valentine’s Day is really founded on the concept of love in marriage. On This Valentine’s Day, what are you doing to keep the love in your marriage burning? While giving a gift and card, having a candlelight dinner, and sharing special words of love are all important, the true spirit of Valentine’s Day needs to last throughout the year.

“Here are some ways to bring more love into your marriage:

• Schedule priority time together. Pull out your calendars and set a date night every week or two—just to spend time together and talk. (Note: movies don’t count.)
• Laugh together. When was the last time you shared a funny story and chuckled with each other? Loosen up and laugh freely. Live lightheartedly!
• Play together. Find a hobby or activity you both enjoy—fishing, bowling, tennis, hiking, or biking.
• Be romantic together. Send your spouse a note of encouragement in the mail every once in a while just to say “I love you.” Spend one or two weekends away each year, just with your wife. (No buddies allowed.)

“While Valentine’s Day is a good time to put a spark back into your relationship, the only way to fan the flame of a good relationship is for every day to be a Hallmark moment.”

I have no idea how much is legend and how much is truth – but it is a GREAT story about a man who valued the sanctity of marriage!  Dads, it might be a good idea to share this story with the kiddos tonight at supper!

 

Shifting Slippery Sandy into SOLID Sally

Yesterday at WBC I continued the “Focus on the Family: Issues, Identity, and Intentionality” series. This makes the fourth week I have focused on specific issues married couples must address head on in order to move toward healthier marriages. Today’s topic was “the quarrelsome woman.” Or “the nagging woman.” Or, “the woman who just won’t leave her husband alone.” Other names for this type of woman are:

Quarrelsome Queen – Angry Amy – Nagging Nancy – Fretful Freda – Unstable Mabel – Drive You Crazy Mrs. Daisy – Bothersome Brenda – Pester Esther

You can read about her in the Bible here, here, here, and here.

The aim of the message was to help women/wives who might be guilty of nagging or being critical of their husbands move toward a “building him up” approach.

You can find the sermon here.

The outline I used was the acrostic SOLID (taken from Proverbs 27:16 – slippery oil cannot be grasped in the hand; so I aimed at turning a ‘slippery Sandy’ into a ‘SOLID Sally’.)

S – Stop and Think

O – Own the Nag/Offer a Sacrifice

L – Listen

I – Intentionally Crown (See Proverbs 12:4)

D – Direct the Future (See Proverbs 31:28-29)

The Wall Street Journal I referred to can be found here.

Vital Words for Southern Baptist’s Regarding President Obama’s ‘Contraceptives’ Statement

Yesterday President Obama said this in a statement:

Today, we’ve reached a decision on how to move forward.  Under the rule, women will still have access to free preventive care that includes contraceptive services -– no matter where they work.  So that core principle remains.  But if a woman’s employer is a charity or a hospital that has a religious objection to providing contraceptive services as part of their health plan, the insurance company -– not the hospital, not the charity -– will be required to reach out and offer the woman contraceptive care free of charge, without co-pays and without hassles.

The result will be that religious organizations won’t have to pay for these services, and no religious institution will have to provide these services directly.  Let me repeat:  These employers will not have to pay for, or provide, contraceptive services.  But women who work at these institutions will have access to free contraceptive services, just like other women, and they’ll no longer have to pay hundreds of dollars a year that could go towards paying the rent or buying groceries.

As you can imagine, this has implications for evangelical believers – of course, including Southern Baptist’s. Al Mohler has done evangelicals yet another favor by helping us think through this matter intelligently and biblically.

You can read his comments on this here.

Below are a couple of highlights from his article:

“The President wants to frame this as a Catholic issue, but it is not. The Roman Catholic Church is the major religious body that maintains teaching against all forms of artificial birth control, but those moral concerns are not limited to the Catholic Church. The mandated coverage would violate the conscience and deepest convictions of millions of American evangelical Christians and their hundreds of schools and institutions which, put together, outnumber Catholic institutions.”

Also. . .

“This problem is endemic to our culture. Clearly, the President and his Administration are not alone in defining birth control as a form of “preventive care,” putting the prevention of pregnancy on par with an inoculation against disease. That is the greatest outrage.

“The President’s inclusion of birth control as a form of “preventive care” also explains why Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards was so pleased with President Obama’s remarks today. She said: “Planned Parenthood’s priority is increasing access to preventive health care. This birth control coverage benefit does just that.”

“So preventing the birth of a child is classified with the polio vaccine. As Cecile Richards declared, the Obama Administration’s policy “does just that.”

“Anyone who celebrates this “compromise” as a victory is hiding behind an accounting trick. That accounting trick cannot hide the great moral tragedy at the heart of the President’s policy — a policy that leaves religious liberty in peril and Planned Parenthood smiling.”

 

Many Southern Baptist’s use Guidestone for their healthcare provider. O.S. Hawkins, Guidestone’s President, made this statement yesterday, assuring SBCers of where Guidestone will remain:

“The President’s statement today is an insulting affront illustrating a basic lack of understanding that this issue will not be solved by sleight-of-hand word games. It is a fundamental matter of religious liberty that threatens the very coverage of those dedicated persons who serve our churches and affiliated organizations. GuideStone will never depart from the core convictions it has held dear for decades regarding the sanctity of life.”

 

Maybe Foot Washing SHOULD Be a Third Ordinance???

Let me confess something up front: I HATE FEET. HATE them.

That’s right. I hate your feet. I hate my feet. I just don’t like feet, period. In fact, one of the determining factors as to whether or not Katie was ‘the one’ was because I can stand her feet (okay, there were a few other things that I really liked, but it helped ALOT that she had great looking feet).

So a few years ago when I heard that some churches have ‘foot washing services’ and practice it as a 3rd ordinance, I was more thankful than I have ever been to be Southern Baptist. I don’t do feet. In fact, as committed I am to being Southern Baptist and holding strong to their doctrine(s) and direction, I would have left the SBC a long time ago if it required real ‘foot washing’ as a 3rd ordinance.

I have grown up and strongly believe the church is to practice 2 ordinances and ONLY 2 ordinances: Baptism and the Lord’s Supper. Can I get an ‘Amen’? Can I get a loud ‘Amen’ from those who are glad we don’t have to wash each other’s nasty toes?

But I rethought this a bit earlier today for the first time in my life.

Francis Schaeffer, in his book No Little People, wrote this very insightful paragraph (note – he uses the word ‘sacrament’ instead of ordinance):

“Christ put a towel around Himself and washed His disciples’ feet (John 13:4). We should ask ourselves from time to time, ‘Whose feet am I washing?’ Some churches have made foot-washing into a third sacrament; members wash each other’s feet during their worship service. While most of us think it is a mistake to make this a sacrament, let us admit that it is 10,000 times better to wash each other’s feet in a literal way than never to was anybody’s feet in any way. It would be far better for us to make a mistake and institute a third sacrament of literal foot-washing than to live out our lives without once consciously choosing to serve each other. Doing the Lord’s work in the Lord’s way is not some exotic thing; it is having and practicing the mentality which Christ commands.”

I’ve never looked at it that way, but I believe Schaeffer is right. It would be better to require foot washing as an ordinance for believers (and be wrong!) than to not ever ‘wash feet’ as a means of serving others. Jesus’ point in washing the feet of the disciples (as is Schaeffer’s here) was not to necessarily wash their literal feet (praise be to God!), but to consider yourself as a slave and servant of others – living in order to make others thrive.

I’m not about to leave the Southern Baptist Convention for a denomination that issues foot washing as a 3rd ordinance, but perhaps I do need to – in another, deeper sense – ask myself whose feet am I washing? You and I are surrounded with opportunities to make other’s great today.

 

Permission to Look for Things You Dislike Like About Our Church

Sunday morning, following Part One of Wynne Baptist Church’s (WBC) Connections Class I had a couple approach me with a very interesting and important question: “Did you mean that you would allow us to come and change something we don’t like about this church if we join?”

Whoah. Loaded question.

I had ended the class with a discussion about spiritual gifts. I encouraged those in attendance to, if they are led to join WBC, look for ministries that are lacking. My point was that God has wired each of us differently and has gifted each of us specifically for the building up of the church. I stated that if the Lord led them to join WBC, perhaps it would be to enhance an existing ministry or to begin a ministry that they thought was important. God gives spiritual gifts to build up the church. If God leads others to join WBC and gifts them specifically and personally, then they are wired by God to help build up WBC. One of the things I said was, “I give you permission to look for things you don’t like about our church. It may be that God leads you to WBC for the purpose of doing something about what you think is lacking or needing attention.”

The couple that approached me after class had a legitimate question. I am glad they sought clarification. They had been to enough Southern Baptist churches to know that no one likes the “C” word (“Change” for all you ‘other’ denomination people). They were clarifying as to whether or not their suggestions would be met with joy or, um, ‘non-joy.’ Great question.

My response?

I thanked them for asking and encouraged them to approach any area they saw lacking at WBC as potential for them to be used of the Lord to enhance that ministry. I hope all WBC members approach our church this way. Not with an eye to come in and change everything that is going wrong, but with an eye to see how God may have gifted you to help enhance a ministry that needs tweaking. Or to start a ministry that needs starting.

One mindset seeks power over the body (“I can’t believe y’all aren’t doing this! Move over and let me show you how it’s supposed to be done!).

The other seeks to serve the body (“I think I might could help in this area so that more might come to know Christ.”). Know what I mean?

What is lacking at the church where God has you? How come it bothers you so bad? Could it be that God has gifted and equipped you to make it better? What passion has God given you to further His kingdom? What can you do enhance His church right now?

Chocolate Pie Or China?

Hudson Taylor was missionary to China for over 50 years in the mid to late 1800′s. At the end of his life, he said, “I never made a sacrifice.” He said this though his entire ministry was wrought with personal heartache. Four of his eleven children died during his lifetime. Two different wives died. He was constantly battling sickness and disease. The Chinese did not begin to respond to him until years after he arrived. All of his belongings were stolen. A house he lived in burned to the ground. His best friend on the field was arrested. On and on. Yet he said, “I never made a sacrifice.”

What kind of person says that? Better yet, what kind of a dad breeds a son like that?

As I was preparing for a biographical talk I gave for Awana Go! on Taylor, I came across this scenario recounting an event of young Hudson’s childhood:

“James and Amelia Taylor loved their children and, like all doting parents, they enjoyed giving them little treats on occasion. But once in a while, when Amelia brought a dessert to the table for her family, James would say, ‘Who will see if they can do without today?’ He explained it to the children this way:

By and by, you will have to say ‘No’ to yourself when we are not there to help you,
and very difficult you will find  it when you want a thing tremendously. So let
us try to practice now, for the sooner you begin, the stronger will be the habit.”

Wow. Haven’t tried that one with Luke and Seth lately! Come to think of it, haven’t tried with myself lately either!

Granted, you and I can argue all day about whether or not this tactic will ‘work’ for our kids. I get that. But I do find it interesting that Hudson’s father was obviously very intentional to try to help his children master their appetites early in their lives. He knew that as children it would be sweets (okay, and adults too!). But he also knew that as they grew older, other appetites would develop. If they mastered the ‘dessert appetite’ now, they would be more able to master the other appetites later. James Taylor taught his children self-denial.

This reminded me of a Proverb tucked away in chapter 23.

Proverbs 23:19-21 says, “Hear, my son, and be wise, and direct your heart in the way. Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.”

Wow. Do you hear what the father is telling his son: “Direct your heart now, son! Don’t give in to eating a lot of food! It will lead you to a life of caving into your appetites! It will drive you to poverty and slumber due to laziness! It is a heart issue, son! Learn to master your appetites now!”

I’ve never looked at it this way until recently. But, perhaps James Taylor and the author of Proverbs are on to something. Perhaps if we learn, at an early age, to master the ‘small’ appetites, the ‘bigger’ (more dangerous) appetites will be easier to deal with. Or, at least, easier to recognize and ‘attack.’

Hudson never made a sacrifice. . . or so he thought. Turning down a piece of chocolate cake at age 5 led to turning down of the easy life in England for the souls of China at age 55.

Father, please grant me wisdom.

What do you, more ‘seasoned’ fathers think? Any further wisdom in this regard for dads eager to learn?

Guys Weekend, Positive Demeanor, and Full Love Tank (F)

Last weekend, my wife (Katie) had the privilege of attending a conference for adopting moms called “Created 4 Care” in Atlanta, GA. She says she had a great time. . . but there’s no way she had near a good of time as the boys and I had! That’s right – mom’s away means “GUYS WEEKEND!” We had an absolute BLAST!

- Cars I Movie – Friday Night – check.

- Cars II Movie – Saturday Night – check.

- Pizza and cheese sticks and chicken nuggets and fries and Subway sandwiches and Cheetos and french toast and Daylight Donuts and sonic slushes and McDonald’s and Oreo cookies and whole cans of Sprite Zero - check.

- Pocket knives for each boy and a trip to Village Creek to do some ‘man cuttin’ – check.

- Old boxes turned into a life size robot to wear around the house – check.

- Tent in the living room – check.

- Rudolph and Frosty inflatables in the living room – check.

- Duke basketball on the computer -  check.

- Saturday morning cartoons – check.

- No showers on Friday night – check.

- No room clean up until Sunday afternoon – check.

It was awesome. Probably one of the best and most memorable weekends I have had with Luke and Seth ever.

After the weekend, Katie and I noticed something interesting about Luke Sunday night, Monday morning, and Monday afternoon. He was totally compliant (okay, maybe not totally – but 97% compliant), very positive, very obedient, and always replied to us using ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’ without being told. Understand, please, that Luke isn’t always a fierce negative rebel. Granted, he has his days, but overall he is good at responding (especially after 2 or 3 whoopins’!). But something was different Sunday night and Monday. He was a buzzing bundle of positive emotions, words, and actions.

Katie made a comment that stuck with me. Referring to my time with them this weekend, she said, “I guess his love tank is full.” Wow. After thinking about it, I think she is exactly right. This is just an observation following a wonderful, quality-time filled weekend, okay, but I am here to tell you that Luke has been a renewed little boy since this weekend. If what Katie says is true, filling a love tank in the way they need it to be filled is a very important thing.

If you think about it, we are all like that aren’t we? When our love tank is full, we are different to be around.

Could it be that you have been “Mr. Crabbypants” because you have forgotten to be loved on by God?

Could it be that your children are “Destructive Warriors” because you have failed to give them quality time. . . on their terms?

Could it be that your spouse’s tank has leaked to the point of reminding you of Godzilla? Is it her/his fault. . . or have you totally neglected their love tank?

How about the people you work with or ‘do life’ with? Are THEY the problem, or is it that you have refused to intentionally tried to fill their love tank?

Or maybe you keep waiting for someone to fill yours, understanding that yours gets filled as you fill another?

That’s the thing about this weekend. Luke’s (and I hope Seth’s too!) tank was filled ….by me! But guess what? Mine was filled too. How? By pouring into those two incredible boys!  Seems crazy, but it’s true. And do you think that this inspires me to want to ‘love them on their level’ even more? You betcha.

So, who’s love tank do you need to fill today? You could wait around for someone to fill yours. Or, you could go ahead and get yours filled by giving yourself to blessing another. It’s really a choice, isn’t it?