When God Says, “Not Now” (H, T)
I am going to be really honest. I don’t want to be typing this post. Sure, I want to be typing. I just don’t want to be typing THIS post. I want to be typing about how Katie and I are headed to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia in the morning to meet our daughter. I want to type every day over the upcoming week about how the days events went and what we learned about our little girl, about the Father, about Ethiopian culture, about the theology of adoption, about how excited we are for our little girl to meet her brothers and grandparents, etc.
But those thoughts and comments are going to have to wait . . . for now.
Katie and I learned Monday that the little girl we were hoping to adopt went to live with her birth mother – 3 days before we were to leave and 7 days before we were to go to court to make her a ‘Pearson.’ With all sincerity Katie and I are genuinely happy for her. We believe she is happier now than she has been in a long, long time. We are grateful that God has provided the means necessary for her birth mom to be able to take care of her. This little girl is no longer an orphan and she is with the mother who gave her birth. This truly is a GREAT thing.
But to tell you the truth, it hurts. And to be totally honest, it is confusing. The part that I, personally, am struggling with the most is that I knew for sure this was God’s plan. The way and timing of the referral call came four months ago (I blogged about that here). The details and timing of dozens of other things that seemed to point to this time and this girl and this country and this season of our lives I thought were all God’s way of working this out NOW. Due to all the ‘obvious’ circumstances, I had zero doubt that NOW was the time.
But NOW is not the time.
I don’t know all the reasons why God allowed it to work out this way. As a matter of fact, right now I don’t know hardly ANY reasons why God allowed it to work out this way. I believe I will know one day and I believe one day it will all make perfect sense. But now, I just don’t know.
One thing I do know, however, is that God is more concerned that I know and love and trust HIM more than anything else. More than He wants me to adopt and ‘understand it all,’ He wants me to know and seek Him. One day, I believe, He will allow me to know Him more fully through adopting a child from Ethiopia. But right NOW, He obviously wants me to know Him more fully through ‘almost adopting.’
So, for myself and Katie and for Luke and Seth my prayer will be that prior to all this, “we had heard of the LORD through the hearing of the ear,” but because of all of this we can say, “but NOW our eyes see YOU.”